How to Cope With People Who Trigger Your PMDD

You know those moments when someone says or does something that shouldn’t bother you — but it does? Like, it really does. Suddenly your chest is tight, your brain is spinning, and jaw clenches tight? That’s the luteal phase for so many of us with PMDD.

And it’s not just hormones. It’s deeper than that.

It’s the emotional rawness that shows up when our nervous system is on edge. It’s past wounds being re-awakened. It’s the low (like, really low) capacity we have for stress, for small talk, for boundary-crossing, or for being misunderstood — again.

Why the Luteal Phase Makes Everything Feel Bigger

During the luteal phase (that 10–14 day stretch before your period), hormone shifts — especially the drop in serotonin and sensitivity to progesterone — can create real changes in our brain. We become more sensitive to sound, light, social overwhelm, and yes… people.

Even people we love.

This is the phase where things that normally roll off our backs can feel deeply personal or even unbearable. Comments from people at work, partners who don’t “get it,” or friends who expect us to keep showing up when we have nothing left to give — these can all become triggering, fast.

What’s Actually Happening When You’re Triggered

Being “triggered” isn’t about being weak. It’s about having an emotional landmine activated — often something old that’s never been fully seen, held, or healed. And in the luteal phase, those landmines lie just under the surface.

Sometimes it’s old stories like:

• “I’m not allowed to rest.”

• “If I set a boundary, they’ll leave.”

• “No one ever listens to me.”

Other times it’s simply your body screaming for safety, quiet, or space — and not getting it.

So how do we cope when someone triggers us and we’re already running on empty?

5 Gentle, Grounded Tips to Protect Your Energy in the Luteal Phase

1. Recognise the Red Flags Early

Start tracking your cycle if you’re not already. (here's a link to my favorite app for tracking) Know when your luteal phase begins, and treat that week like you’re emotionally post-op. If someone usually pushes your buttons, limit your time with them during this phase if you can.

This isn’t avoidance. It’s self-preservation.

2. Create a “Trigger Pause” Practice

When you feel triggered, try not to respond immediately. Take a breath. Put your hand on your heart. Say (even silently): “I am allowed to feel this. I don’t have to fix it right now.”

Sometimes we need to delay the reaction to respond with intention, not just pain.

3. Write the Unsent Letter

If someone has really triggered you, but it’s not safe or helpful to express it in the moment, write it down. All of it. No editing, no shame. Let your inner protector have her say. Then destroy it. Or save it. You’ll know what feels right.

4. Reframe Boundaries as Kindness to Both of You

If you need to step back from someone or say “I can’t do that today,” remember that boundaries aren’t rejection — they’re redirection. You’re showing up for yourself, and that’s something people who love you should want.

5. Have a Luteal-Phase SOS List

Make a short list of safe people, safe spaces, and safe distractions you can turn to when the emotional waves hit. This might include a friend who “gets it,” a PMDD support group (join my free support group here) , a walk with headphones in, or even a reality TV show to help reset your nervous system.

You’re not weak for needing this — you’re wise for preparing it.

One Last Thing, Love…

If you’re feeling extra triggered right now, you’re not crazy or broken. You’re sensitive, and that’s not a flaw — it’s a signal. You’re allowed to have limits. You’re allowed to need softness. And you’re allowed to walk away from people or situations that drain you, even if only temporarily.

In the luteal phase, your only job is to get through the day with as much grace and gentleness as you can muster. And some days, that means turning inward, switching off, or leaning on your PMDD toolkit.

If you don’t have one yet — let’s build it together. Book a session here.